


what can i do? (i have already fallen for you)

by jaeson



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-12 11:32:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11736204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaeson/pseuds/jaeson
Summary: “You are in love with Daniel, right?“The question echoes in his head over and over again, he can’t get it out of his head, no matter how much he tries to. The whole day, it’s been the only thing he could think about because, fuck, it can’t be true.He can’t be in fucking love with Kang Daniel.





	what can i do? (i have already fallen for you)

_“You are in love with Daniel, right?“_

The question echoes in his head over and over again, he can’t get it out of his head, no matter how much he tries to. The whole day, it’s been the only thing he could think about because, fuck, it can’t be true.

He can’t be in fucking love with Kang Daniel. 

All throughout their schedule, Seongwoo just numbly walks from place to place, shooting his photos without even noticing, he just does what he is asked to and then, when he is finally done, sits down on the nearest, most comfortable surface.

He is slumped on the couch of their current photo shoot locations, hands tiredly rubbing his face as he tries to grab onto the last remains of his sanity.

This is not right, he can’t be.

No.

It’s bullshit.

Seongwoo receives one of Jisung’s worried smiles for the tenth time today from across the room, he just plasters a fake toothy grin on his face.

He needs to find out the truth, he needs to know if he really… _loves_ Daniel _like that_.

If he were in any other situation, he wouldn’t mind to actually like his group mate but they are celebrities now and there’s no way they could date, or even have any kind of future together, which sucks. Seongwoo is not really ready to live through a whole year and a half with an unrequited crush on anyone, even less if that someone is Daniel because the younger boy has the cutest of smiles and likes to cuddle with Seongwoo at night  and Seongwoo isn’t entirely sure he can go so long without accidentally blurting out his feelings.

If that ever happened, it would make things so unbelievably awkward for every single one of his members and well, most importantly, it would make things awkward between Daniel and him, he really doesn’t want that.

But he sighs in relief because well, he isn’t in love with Daniel anyway.

Right?

***

When Seongwoo arrives at the dorms, he quickly washes up and climbs onto his bunk bed, covering his whole body with a thick blanket, trying really hard to hide himself from anyone who would interrupt his thoughts.

_“You treat him like he is the most precious thing in the world, I don’t think I have ever seen you babying the other members as much as you baby him.”_

That’s not true though, he treats everyone equally.

If he opens Daniel’s water bottle for him, he also opens at least one of the younger member’s bottle. If he cooks for Daniel, he always makes sure to cook enough so there are leftovers for one of the other member’s midnight snacks. If he sneaks out to get Daniel some snacks, he also gets snacks for everybody else.

Good, one reason less for him to believe that he’s actually in love.

_“It’s really cute when you get overprotective, like that time Daniel got his hand injury during the practice for ‘Knock’ and you even accompanied him to the emergency room.”_

He thinks back to that moment.

He had found Daniel clutching his hand, silent, angry tears rolling down his face as everyone was making a circle around him. Back then he couldn’t think of anything else but how to get Daniel out of there safely.

Seongwoo had made his way past the crowd, instantly sinking down to his knees when he arrived next to Daniel. The younger boy had looked at him with the saddest eyes, mumbling something about “What if I can’t perform anymore, Seongwoo? Jesus…” and more things Seongwoo couldn’t quite catch. He hadn’t known how to answer so instead he had just hugged him, drawing circles on his back as he let him sob in his arm.

Then he had told Seonho to call one of the staff members and had gone with Daniel into the ambulance, holding his uninjured hand tightly and whispering sweet nothings into his ears.

Seongwoo remembers how anxious he felt when he was waiting in the waiting room with Daniel’s company staff and the TV show writers, how scared he was of Daniel having to quit the show just because he overstepped his boundaries to make the show perfect.

And then, finally the relief had come when Daniel came out of the doctor’s room with a brand new cast and his trademark bunny smile, immediately running into Seongwoo’s arms.

But, Seongwoo thinks, that was a normal reaction for best friends right?

When Woojin had had shingles that same week, he also tagged along to the emergency room and cared for him throughout the week, even making soup for the younger one. Seongwoo also did the same when Jinyoung suddenly collapsed during one of their practice sessions.

It wasn’t strange for him to be caring.

Well, perfect, there goes another reason.

_“But the first reason I knew you liked him is because you look at him like he means the world to you, it’s seriously adorable.”_

Seongwoo… isn’t really sure he can retaliate this particular reason. He doesn’t know how he looks at Daniel or how he looks at anybody else in general.  It’s not like he records himself every second of his life to know that but –

Suddenly, someone is taking away his blankets, completely removing them from above his whole body, chilly air caressing his skin, making him look up to see who had dared to interrupt his thoughts. Somehow, he ends up face to face with Daniel, who is smiling at him. He notices how their mouths are only a few centimeters apart. I

t makes his heart stutter in his chest.

“Good night, Seongwoo,” his eyes crinkle into crescent and somehow, Seongwoo feels his stomach tighten with a warm, fuzzy feeling. “For the tenth time.”

He laughs awkwardly, not knowing what to reply to that.

“You too, sleep well and all that shit,” Seongwoo blurts out as he slowly draws back, inching closer to the wall. “But if you don’t mind, can you give me my blanket back? I’m really, really cold.”

“The country is going through a heat wave and you are cold?” Daniel raises his eyebrows. “Really?”

“Yes, extremely cold actually, so, give it back, please,” Seongwoo demands, making grabby hands towards the item that is now lying on the floor after Daniel had carelessly thrown it away.

“You know, I think I have something better than a blanket to keep you warm,” Daniel smirks. “Me.”

Seongwoo sputters as he looks at the younger boy with wide eyes and an open mouth, any other day he would agree without even hesitating but after today’s events he is not quite sure he can bring himself to act how he normally would.

On the other hand, he thinks as he looks at Daniel’s small smile and hopeful eyes, he had ruled out two of three reasons why he was supposedly in love with Daniel, and well, he was a sucker for cuddles.

It turns out, though, that Seongwoo didn’t really have a choice anyway because when he is done with his inner debate, Daniel is already on the bed, wrapping his arms tightly around Seongwoo’s waist, tugging him closer to his body.

The older boy doesn’t protest, instead he snuggles closer, his nose tickling Daniel’s neck.

It doesn’t take Seongwoo a lot of time to fall asleep.

***

The next morning, Seongwoo wakes up in Daniel’s arms. He feels content as he suddenly hears Daniel laugh in his sleep, unconsciously squeezing Seongwoo softly.

When Jisung gets up almost twenty minutes later, he is still in bed with Daniel.

It seems as though the other MMO trainee somehow knows that he’s just pretending to sleep because soon enough, Jisung is climbing on top of the stairs of Seongwoo’s bunk bed, shaking his leg to get his attention.

“Wake him up, will you?” Jisung asks, a knowing smirk on his face when Seongwoo finally looks towards him. “I’m sure he’ll appreciate you doing it.”

He somehow feels weird after that.

The image of Jisung’s smirk seems to haunt him as he, today a bit more forceful than usually, wakes Daniel up and then immediately rushes into kitchen with the pretense of being hungry.

***

Seongwoo isn’t sure when or why he starts to avoid Daniel after that.

He no longer sits next to the younger boy in the van, now he sits with Jisung, Sungwoon and Minhyun at the back. When Daniel approaches him with a bunny smile to joke around, he plays along for a minute before disappearing to talk to any of the other members. Even when Daniel asks for cuddles during the night, he declines, mumbling that he’s too tired and wants to spread out in his bed.

At first he hadn’t really realized what he was doing but then Jihoon had cornered him and asked if everything was okay between him and Daniel. He had laughed him off, saying everything was absolutely fine.

After that he does it consciously, even if it sometimes hurts to see Daniel’s sad gaze and how he slumps more into himself than usual, his normally always there smile only coming out in a few special occasions. The bright spark in his eyes whenever he sees Seongwoo slowly disappears, now, when Seongwoo catches the other staring at him, he looks hurt instead.

It kind of breaks his heart.

***

He doesn’t even consider to stop ignoring Daniel – his tactic has always been “ignore the problem until it eventually goes away” which most of the time works well for him but apparently not when it comes to Daniel – until he sees Minhyun and Daniel together.

It’s nothing out of the ordinary really, he isn’t too sure why he suddenly feels something akin to jealousy making its way through his body, crawling inside of his brain as he sees Daniel slipping into Minhyun’s bed for the night. He knows it’s his own fault, he has been the one declining the cuddling offers and avoiding Daniel but it still feels _wrong_ seeing him do it with anybody else, it makes his blood boil in a certain way but he can’t explain why.

His hands turn into fist as he walks inside of his own room, hiding himself underneath his blankets.

***

After that it seems to happen every night.

Daniel excuses himself, saying goodbye to Jisung and Seongwoo, to head over to Minhyun’s room and go to sleep with him.

Once Seongwoo, after not being able to sleep more than one hour because he was fantasizing about all the things Daniel and Minhyun could be doing, had decided to check out what they did during the night, so he had made Jaehwan agree to let him sleep with him in his room.

As expected, Daniel had come in with his blanket in his hands and laid down. Minhyun had welcomed him with open arms and a warm smile, Seongwoo had felt his stomach tighten in an unpleasant way.

It had taken him longer than usual to fall asleep that night thanks to him observing the two boys as they quietly chatted with one another and trying to keep a sleeping Jaehwan’s wandering hands away from him.

***

Seongwoo’s jealousy peaks when he sees Minhyun and Daniel snuggling on the couch. The younger boy is sprawled across Minhyun’s chest while Minhyun mindlessly caresses his head as he watches TV, Daniel leaning into the touch with a happy smile.

It looks so intimate it makes Seongwoo want to puke.

“Daniel, can we talk?” he suddenly hears himself say, his voice husky as his eyes meet Daniel’s.

For a split moment, he notices that Daniel looks just as surprised as Seongwoo feels, but then the other seems to shut all of his emotions out of his face as he stares at Seongwoo intently, maybe trying to find out why he was suddenly speaking to him.

“I’m quite comfortable right now, so if you don’t mind can we have this… talk or whatever later?” Daniel answers, his attention back to Minhyun.

And no – they cannot “talk later” because Jesus fuck, why had Seongwoo not realized before?

Jisung was right.

He doesn’t really know why it finally clicks for him, that he is head over heels for Daniel and he has been for a while now, in that moment. It feels so random but also like… like it should have happened earlier, like he should have known the moment Jisung mentioned it.  

Seongwoo feels his heartbeat start to quicken at the realization. His mouth automatically opens in surprise and his eyes widen as he curses at himself. He could have spared himself some suffering and various random emotional outbursts if he had just _known_ earlier.

Seongwoo hates himself sometimes.  

“Hey, are you okay?” Minhyun asks, Seongwoo notices then that Daniel and him are separated now, Minhyun looking at him with a worried frown.

“Yes – No, jesus,” Seongwoo replies quickly without even trying to filter his word vomit. “You know what? Let’s talk later, you’re right! Later is good, later is perfect, sounds very promising, good talk, yes, yes, completely fine, wow, I’m such an idiot, later… Yes, later.”

He leaves Daniel and Minhyun behind in the living room as he heads to the entrance in a hurry. Seongwoo puts his – well, technically Guanlin’s – shoes on and leaves the house, forgetting that it’s 3 a.m. and they’re not really allowed to go out at this hour.

As soon as he steps out onto the streets, he feels the cold summer night air brush against his skin, making him shiver. He figures the best thing he can do now after embarrassing himself **and** realizing he has a fucking enormous crush on Daniel is to get black out drunk.

***

Seongwoo comes home at 7 a.m., stumbling through the door after having put in the wrong code at least three times. He, as quietly as his drunk ass can be, takes off his shoes and goes into the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

He had gone to the nearest bar, an old establishment where he was the only costumer and had drunk his weight in beer and ten different kinds of wines as he told the barkeeper and all the waiters, who were interested enough,  the whole reason – with a lot of details and some crying – why he was there at such an unholy hour.

After all the talking (and crying) he was extremely exhausted.

Seongwoo opens the door to his room, intending to just climb the ladder to his bed and face palm onto it, when his eyes wander through the room and he discovers that both, Daniel and Jisung, hadn’t stayed there for the night. His eyes, without any obvious reason, linger on Daniel’s bed. The boy’s favourite hoodie is lying on it, completely lonely. He giggles quietly and walks to the bed, taking a hold of the sweater.

He lightly caresses the worn-out material, sighing contently at how soft it feels.

Without even thinking about it, he puts it on. It’s too big for him (but he already knew that) and it feels nice and soft but most importantly, it smells like Daniel – like vanilla and his favourite aftershave. Seongwoo can’t help but bury his nose into the material, just to get another sniff of the scent.

Suddenly, he feels tears well up in his eyes.

He doesn’t even know why, they just start to roll down his cheeks as his curls in on himself, squatting down and holding his knees tightly against his chest as he rest his head on them. Not long after, he starts to full on sob, his body trembling as he keeps on crying.

Seongwoo feels dizzy, his head is full of ten thousand different thoughts and it’s becoming increasingly difficult to breathe. Slowly Seongwoo loses the ability to control his ragged breathes and sobs, they come automatically every few seconds, even if he doesn’t want them to.

He feels like he is about to pass out from lack of oxygen and exhaustion when someone suddenly wraps their arms around him and pulls him into a tight hug. Seongwoo doesn’t even want to think about who it is, he just lets himself go lax in the person’s arm, eyes closed tightly as he tries to regain control over his own body.

“Seongwoo, it’s okay, everything will be okay,” he feels his whole body tense. “It’s okay, you’re okay.”

Of course it has to be Daniel.

His heartbeat quickens as he suddenly feels suffocated by the boy’s embrace. He desperately tries to break free but Daniel is having none of it, holding him tightly as Seongwoo trashes around, wanting to be _anywhere but here_.

“L-Let me go,” Seongwoo breathes out, eyes closed tightly. “Please.”

It seems to do the trick.

Daniel frees him from his embrace without a protest. Seongwoo takes the opportunity to distance himself as much as possible from the younger boy. He slides back all the way to the wall, cherishing the way it feels cold against his back and makes his body relax.

“Seongwoo, hey, let me help you,” Daniel whispers.

Seongwoo just shakes his head, hiding his face behind his crossed arms, trying to calm his fast beating heart and at the same time trying to breathe in steadily. But it isn’t working, if he’s honest, it’s exactly the opposite. His breathes are just getting shorter and more shallow while his heartbeat is doubling in speed.

For a second he thinks Daniel has actually listened to him, that he has stood up and left him all alone in the room, but it turns out that the other boy had just walked closer to him again. He feels Daniel’s large hands rest on his knees, as he once again begins to draw circles on them. Seongwoo is torn between feeling more relaxed and feeling even more nervous.

“Hey, hey, listen to me,” Daniel says, voice softer than usual. “Whatever it is that you’re going through, it’s going to be alright.”

Even in this kind of situation, Seongwoo manages to snort at that.

“What? You don’t believe?” he knows, even without looking, that Daniel has his usual bunny smile on his face, eyes crinkling as he looks at Seongwoo. Somehow that image makes his heart rate slow down the littlest bit. “Ey, you should trust me more than that, Ong Seongwoo.”

Daniel suddenly scoots even closer, one of his long legs on each side of Seongwoo’s own. The younger’s chest is pressing against his knees as Seongwoo feels Daniel’s hand moving up to his cheeks. He softly caresses them, making the older slowly look up at him.

As expected, Daniel is smiling down at him with the softest of smiles. They stay like that for a while, Daniel’s touch easing Seongwoo’s anxiety little by little. In the position they are in, Seongwoo is able to feel Daniel’s stable breathing against his legs which makes it easy for him to match his own breathing to Daniel’s tempo.

It takes at least twenty five minutes before Seongwoo is back to almost thinking straight. He knows his heartbeat is still a bit faster than it should be and that it’s still a little bit hard to breathe but he feels nowhere near as suffocated or frustrated as before.

“Do you feel better?” Daniel asks, managing to focus all of Seongwoo’s attention towards him. “Has the thing… you wanted to talk about today got something to do with… _this_?”

Seongwoo doesn’t know how to respond to that. He considers lying for a minute but figures that it’s not really worth it – and he knows, that at this moment, he is like an open book, ready for everyone to read him.

“Yeah,” he manages to say.

“I’m sorry for not being there for you,” Daniel sighs, smiling sadly at him.

“You don’t – don’t have to,” Seongwoo replies, matching Daniel’s expression. “It was my fault… my fault for i-ignoring you these past few w-weeks.”

“Ah? So you noticed too?” Daniel laughs but it doesn’t feel as natural as it normally does, it feels kind of wrong, insincere in a way that Daniel’s laugh has never been. “I thought it was just me imagining things… Was there a reason or?”

All of a sudden Seongwoo feels like he has a lump in his throat. He opens it to say something – anything really – but nothing comes out, he just gapes at Daniel, eyes downcast as he thinks about a response.

“I – I…” Seongwoo stutters, looking between the floor and Daniel’s encouraging smile. “I don’t think you want to know.”

Daniel looks confused when he hears that. Seongwoo can understand though, it’s not like Seongwoo’s behaviour is normal – actually, the way he has been acting the past three weeks hasn’t been “normal”. His emotions – and his actions – had never been as chaotic and impulsive as they had been in that short period of time. Seongwoo also hadn’t had a panic attack like this since middle school, when he was bullied.

It’s so weird, he feels so weird.

“Seongwoo, look, as long as you haven’t killed anyone – even then, if you had a good enough reason I would try to understand – and want to tell me about that, I don’t think there’s anything I don’t want to know when it comes to you,” Daniel reassures him, thumb gently stroking his cheeks.

He stares at Daniel, trying to look into the younger boy’s most inner thoughts, trying to check if it really is okay – if it’s okay for Seongwoo to profess his undying love for him. Well, it’s not like he has anymore to lose, right? He has already hit rock bottom anyway.

After another few seconds he manages to open his mouth but nothing comes out.

“Take your time, it’s fine –,“ Daniel starts but is interrupted by Seongwoo.

“I noticed I’m in love with you,” he blurts out, directly looking at Daniel, who doesn’t seem to be taken aback, more than that, he looks confused again.

“Wait, so you didn’t know?” Daniel asks with his eyebrows raised. “I figured that it was an unspoken thing that we both like… _like_ each other. The cuddling and overzealous touching wasn’t a big enough hint? Not even my bad attempts at flirting?”

“I – I thought we were b-best friends,” Seongwoo replies, eyes wide as he watches Daniel’s every move, the other is just staring back at him with the most surprised look, like it was the most obvious thing known to humanity and Seongwoo was the only one unaware of it.

“Well, yeah, we are best friends but…” Daniel hesitates for a minute. “Anyway, did you ignore me because of that? Because you thought I would reject you?”

“Kind of?” he answers, back to looking down at his knees. “I just – just didn’t want to admit that I like you. It’s not like this…. relationship… would have a future... I didn’t want you to feel awkward around m-me.”

In the twinkling of an eye, Daniel begins to laugh.

Seongwoo can’t believe the boy in front of him, he doesn’t know how he can laugh when Seongwoo feels like his heart is about to explode because well, apparently his feelings aren’t entirely unrequited and because he feels incredibly embarrassed by having voiced out what he has been going through in the last few days.

“Idiot,” Daniel says in between of his laughter, his eyes crinkling as his head comes even closer to Seongwoo’s. “You’re such an idiot.”

Seongwoo gapes at him, his eyebrows furrowing. He suddenly feels really, really offended.

“I can’t even be mad at you for avoiding me,” Daniel sighs, licking his lips afterwards.

He guides Seongwoo’s face so that the older is looking straight into his eyes again, then he laughs and pecks Seongwoo’s forehead, smiling as he does so. Seongwoo can already feel a blush spreading across his face.

“Just so you _finally_ know,” Daniel pecks his cheek now, afterwards catching his gaze again. “I’m in love with you too. Our relationship has a future. We will spend every single minute of it happily.”

Seongwoo bursts into tears again but this time he laughs while he does so, letting Daniel shower his whole face with kisses. Daniel makes him spread his legs to place himself right in front of Seongwoo. He pulls him into a tight hug, the older boy embraces him back, his head resting on Daniel’s shoulder.

“Thank you,” Seongwoo mumbles against the younger’s skin. “Seriously.”

“Nothing to thank me for,” Daniel replies softly. “But next time please don’t ignore me, yeah?”

“Promise,” he sighs, pecking Daniel’s neck in apology.

They stay like that for a long time, just embracing each other and basking in the warm, giddy feeling they give each other. Seongwoo still feels guilty for avoiding Daniel, for being selfish, but he figures that has enough time to make up for it.

He closes his eyes, Daniel’s steady breath lulling him to sleep.

The last thing he thinks about is how happy he feels just by being in Daniel’s arms.  

 

**Author's Note:**

> well, this story is kind of a mess :-/
> 
> im sorry to the anon who asked for this, i tried my best but it kind of turned... into this....
> 
> i will work harder to get better at writing! thank you for reading, any kind of feedback would be appreciated!
> 
> (also, like always, not beta'd)


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